


強い滞在、私の愛 (Stay Strong, My Love)

by Mohi_Kun



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Hospitals, I do not support rape or sexual assult/abuse, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Nightmares, Other, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Sexual Abuse, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Keith (Voltron), Voltron, Voltronlegendarydefender - Freeform, keith - Freeform, mention of rape, please be careful reading, real experience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 20:05:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mohi_Kun/pseuds/Mohi_Kun
Summary: Keith's life has been rough and full of many things, from past haunting experiences, medical issues, trying to improve his art, make his friends happy, staying sane, talk to online friends, transitioning, trying to get a job and getting through life. Trying his best and not to make his family worry. This is written in keith's POV, like he is writing in his journal/diary. Keith has overcome so many things, he wants you to know you can as well.[ I hope this story can be inspiring, or help those who experienced the same things that are written in this story. Please be careful when reading this, there is self harm, really personal and close to home stuff. I want you to know you're not alone, that you matter and I'm glad you are alive. Keep trying, never give up. Maybe at the end of this works, I'll reveal it all later. I hope when you read this, you will feel emotion, my words that I type have meaning and I to make sure what I've written something that will help you or make you feel not alone. On such matters and stuff like this, I'm here for you. I love you. ]





	1. Epilogue

Epilogue

Hands, there were so many hands. Two, four...it burns my skin. My eyes stare at the ceiling, it’s dark, I can barely see. They speak to me, like making coo noises to a baby who was in distress. I can’t move. They keep feeling where nobody else have, or ever will. The voices got louder as they leaned to my ears, I feet paralysed, I am scared. I don’t know what they’re doing, I know its wrong, It feels wrong. It is wrong. I try to find my voice, but I remember not to make a sound or else their mother would walk in on this. This...what was this? I don’t want this. I feel hands groping my parts I wouldn’t dare let anyone else unless they were special and we were so close. Left and right, I saw both naked bodies at my side and they unravel my clothes and all left bare was my innocence. I lay here, confused, scared and wanting to get out. Why cant I just move? Why don’t I scream at the top of my lungs?

That’s right, they tell me it’s okay. That this is normal.

It wasn’t.


	2. New Friend

2/04/2018 – 11:24pm

  
Hi hi, my name is Keith Kogane. I’m currently 17 years old as I write this. I want to comfort others, I want to inspire others and make them realise how strong they are. You are.

  
I was a problem child since birth. Being born premature and small as or smaller than a coke can, they doctors thought I wouldn’t make it. I look at photos, where I was tubed up so much, to help me breathe. When it was safe, we got to move back home. To Daibazaal. Things were going great. It was in preschool/grade one where the school I first went to went downhill. I didn’t know the reason why until years later when my parents told me. I moved schools because they thought I was autistic. I would draw by myself a lot, I wasn’t very interactive with others and didn’t feel the need to. I remember some instances, where I was watching others play on the playground. I was seated just behind the sliding glass door, opened but not for me to go out yet. The teacher stood close, on my left and asked her if I could go outside. She replied saying I could if I ate all of my lunch. I looked down at my lunch box and notice I had some left over but I couldn’t eat it all. I told her that and she said the same thing. So I stayed inside. Watched the others play outside. I didn’t wanna play with others, but having that freedom and adventure kick in; I was meant for it.

  
Another instance, I kept drawing. I drew and drew. Scribbles and scribbles. I loved it. I didn’t talk a lot, or at all sometimes. I didn’t like that school at all, despite having my cousin, Hana in the same grade. I felt so alone.

  
Now, having left that school, I found myself at a school called The Garrison State School. It was a great primary school, in Prep I met my best friend named Pidge. Pidge is the greatest best friend I could’ve asked for. We’re still best friends, brother and sister till this day. I forgot to tell you guys this, but I was a girl up until I was about 12ish. I am a trans guy, Pidge accepts that and without her I would’ve been so lost. She still treats me the same, she loves me and I love her back. Back to prep, it was a blast. We had nap times where, we have our own individual sleeping bags and slept. I had a blue sleeping bag and blanket that had a cow on it. Pidge sported a green sleeping bag with a frog on her blanket.

  
We also had the best teachers, one named Sue, she was an Angel sent from above. She was the one who made me realise how butter and sprinkles tasted so good on Arnot’s biscuits. We rode on three wheel bikes, around a tree, since it was a slight downhill slant, it was the best to just lift your feet up and let yourself go flying down. I also remember climbing the tree. It was fun and with Pidge it was the greatest. She was really the only person I’d talk to. One day we had an activity where we draw ourselves, Pidge’s looked great but hey; I had a tail! Beat that.

  
On our way to through and up to grade 5. I remember becoming friends with a girl and since we were in the same grade and Pidge wasn’t; I was saved. Except I wasn’t. That friend of mine went away for the remaining year, leaving me by myself. Another problem I came across, was the teacher. Her name was Miss Cross. She called me out so many times, she yelled at me and made me fear her a lot. Not only she was big and can be loud, she was a teacher so to me at the time; she was totally superior. One day, I think I was tired or not focused enough. We had these books, called Mathematics. You see, they were hard for me, I wasn’t good at maths. I hate it. She stood at the front of the class and we were doing question 10. Right at the bottom of the page, now she would call out a nae and they’d answer. However with me, as I was checking it and such, she called out my name and I panicked.

  
I had the answers right. Every one of them, but I put them I wrong order. It was formatted being question one going downwards to question 5 and then the next column up to ten. I did it sideways. She got furious when I tried explaining it to her about my mistake and she responded loudly, “Do you want me to put a bomb under you?!” Now that scared me, she called me dumb as well and I could see the others laughing at me. Poor Keith this, dumb Keith that, I thought to myself a lot; no students wouldn’t call it to my face but I am pretty sure they thought about it to. Being yelled at, officially, made me scared. From then on, if I was yelled at I would be so scared, paralysed and my heart would beat like it was going to burst out of my chest. Till this day, being yelled at or screamed at terrifies me. Miss Cross, if you ever read this, know I won’t ever forget what you did to me in grade five. It was hell.

  
Grade six. It was great. Pidge was in my class this time and I still drew a lot. Watching Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Naruto and Card Capture Sakura was definitely my inspiration for the style I have today. My other friend came back and I got her into Anime. Plus drawing, however she got to buy tutorial books, manga drawing books and stuff. My dad and I loved watching DBZ and Naruto on Cartoon Network, that was when we could afford it. Pidge, other friend and I got a long great. We made another friend as well, she had glasses.

  
That was when things went down. At this time, I started puberty, I was very early. My breasts were very big, well, bigger than the girls in the same grade. My period started coming, I hated it so much. I loved sport, but at the same time hated it. Because I hated how my breasts would bounce. It not only hurt but it was so embarrassing. Pidge made jokes, like how my breasts were coconuts. I laughed, because whatever came out of my mouth and Pidge’s mouth, we always seem to laugh. Even if it’s not funny or wasn’t suppose to be.

  
During this time, my money was being stolen. I store it in my desk and when I check for it when lunch came around, there was nothing left. I hated it because it was from the coin box my family had in the car, I would take some coins some days if we were short on food. I didn’t wanna waste money. This is also when things went down. It turns out it was my cousin who was stealing my money. Proof being, we were in class; doing group activities. I was in a group of four, with Pidge and cousin. Pidge saw my $10 slip out of my hoodie pocket and my cousin grabbed it. Pidge nudged me and we both looked to see the blue not poking out from where she tried to hid it in her hoodie pocket. Now that I look back on it, if you steal money, shame on you. Pidge told the teacher after the bell ran and we had to go downstairs. I saw Pidge and the teacher speaking, only a few minutes later we see the teacher speaking to the thief. Then seconds later she was crying, fake crying might I add. Pidge was strong, heck she is so brave, but since she is a sensitive person and sees the thief crying and making the teacher get on her side made Pidge tear up. It was unfair, putting on a fake tear show to get pitted on when you are rightfully in the wrong and should get in trouble for it. However that wasn’t what went down. The money stealer told the teacher she’ll go back upstairs and look in my bag, the teacher let her and she faked getting the money out of my bag. Pidge and I were in shock when the teacher put it to an end after that, after that my cousin gave me the money back and I got to eat with Pidge. I remember it to this day because of how unbelievable it was. The teacher trusting a student because she cried and didn’t believe two over one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is a life saver. <3 She is an Angel. Next chapter will be posted soon. ^^ School can be a handful, however I know you can make it.


	3. Junior High School and Axca

It was a shitty time. However I kept drawing. Pidge was amazing at drawing cartoon characters, we loved drawing and took pride in our work. During this time, I got immersed in Kingdom Hearts and reading. I loved writing too. I couldn’t stop.

Another thing I hated about myself and still hate today is my will to do anything that is requested. A flashback to HPE, we were walking to the first oval, the highest one. We had three ovals overall, each one descending. On our way there, one of my cousins, (I have a lot of cousins, this one is nice) she held out a pair of scissors and said to me, “The blade is really sharp.” I replied, agreeing to her statement and she said after, “Here, test them out. On your palm.” She handed them to me, I stared at them and so I simply did what she requested. I opened them up, pressed the blade across my palm, slid them across and it stung. Blood poured right after and I didn’t have any reaction. I didn’t flinch or had any indication of feeling pain, so she asked; “It hurts doesn’t it?” I replied, “Yeah. It does.” I gave her the pair of blades back and started walking again to the group. The HPE teacher saw my cut and told me to go to the office. What was I thinking? Why did I do that?

That’s where I blame myself, for being to naïve and easy to do what people asked me to do. Such as those two demons, those demons in human skin. Who made my skin burn, who’ve made me feel afraid and full of hurt. Whenever I slept over there house, they’d do thing to me which I never wanted to tell anyone. I didn’t want people to pity me. I didn’t want to worry my parents, I still don’t to this day. It went on for years. Until we graduated, the oldest of the two ran away from home, I never saw them again and felt relieved. The other girl stayed in town and whenever I see her I stayed calm.

Now, after graduating from Primary school; it was time to go to Junior High School. We have a Junior and Senior High School named, “Altea State Senior/Junior College.” Let’s flashback to Junior.

Altea Junior College was the worst, I was about 13/14 years old and Pidge was still with me. Thank goodness. During the two years there, it was hard. Pidge and I stuck together; same with the girl with glasses and the one I got into anime.  A group of four, we were family. We had the most weirdest humour, which Pidge and I were thankful for since; both us two have a most obscured weird humour. Since I had the choice of two subjects, I chose Music and Cooking. I couldn’t continue working in the woodshop, it was too dangerous and bad for my head. Speaking of my head, this is where I mention I have a brain tumour.

I was 14-15 years old at the time, it came out of the blue during science. The most ear splitting, throbbing painful pain was inside my head. It hurt everywhere. I couldn’t explain it, it felt like my world was slipping form me, tilting and spinning. I forced my head down and arms crossed covering my face, hiding from the light and shame. My face was scrunched in pain, I was biting my tongue so hard, it was then the teacher noticed, walked over to me and tapped my arm; he said to go to the office. I didn’t say anything, packed my books and left silently. It is hot where I live, so it was even more hard for my to breathe and keep focus. The block I had science was about 20 feet away from the office, I could survive. I did. I remember mumbling and telling them I was sick, they turned the light off were I was laid down in the sick bay and so then I waited. My mum came about 5 minutes later and I climbed in the car, slumped in my seat, in pain and nausea. When I got home, she told me to take a shower, freshen up, lay down in the lounge with the air con and ice pack on my forehead. I slept till the next day, I didn’t eat lunch, dinner, breakfast and lunch again. Science class was third period, we had second break after, so when I woke up the next day; I was starving. I was lightheaded and trying not to trip over. I stumbled into the kitchen, dad cooked potato stew and it was the best ever. I drank two water bottles and laid back down again.

This headache/migraine happened 3 times a week. I missed a lot of days, classes and times with friends. It was also at this time, during music, I sat at the back of the class; we were told to get up and do this activity. We were split up into two lines, drums at the end of the lines, I looked to my right across to accidentally make eye contact with this girl. I didn’t know her, heck, I didn’t know anyone in this class. I was the loner. The desk I sit at has a pole almost in front on me, but didn’t mind. By making eye contact, I see her wave at me and smile. I was shocked, waved back shyly and looked back at my feet.

Suddenly at lunch one day I see her sitting in our group.

She was and still is one of the most sweetest, talented and funniest friend and sister to this day. She could play the guitar, no wonder she picked music, I thought. She also has a pure, soft and sweet singing voice, I love her. It turned out, her and the anime friend of mine met each other in science class.

The guitar player and singer is named Acxa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally at high school, we meet the lovely Axca. <3 Next chapter will be up, maybe soon?? I'm stopping at chapter three, to see if anyone is even reading this. I want to reach out to you guys, let you know you aren't alone and that you're loved. I don't want to post this, have no one read it and just leave it here. I want this to mean something, truly. Thank you for reading so far. ^^

**Author's Note:**

> This is short, but it speaks volumes to me. Thank you for reading next chapter will be up soon. ^^


End file.
